WGOM CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 12 – Advice Columns

Write an advice column from two vantage points – one with the question supplied, one with the answer.

Dear Statler and Waldorf,
My depression is at an apex and I can’t go on. Please tell me why my life is worth living.

S – I’ve got good news and bad news, Waldorf.

W – What’s the good news?

S – Someone has been reading our column.

W – And the bad news?

S – Your advice has deprived them of the will to live.


W – Wait a second, you just said you thought our column got better with every question we answer

S – Only because we’re getting closer to the end.


W – But this isn’t a joking matter, we should try to help this person.

S – That’s a good point, we can’t afford to lose any readers. Do you have any actual advice?

W – What cheers me up in times like this is the fact that I have dyslexia.

S – Your advice is to develop dyslexia? How will that cheer them up?

W – Because when they read this column, at least they won’t comprehend a word of it.


SPOOKY: Statler and Waldorf?! Someone else has been watching my Netflix queue. You’re all creeps, you know that? Anyway, this is solid. It captures just what I was looking for…original material (well, as “original” as these two curmudgeons get) based on the situation at hand. Nice.

4 points out of 5

I’m a video game nut, and recently I’ve become obsessed with a;new game (called Oremus). It’s hours of fun and God bless the genius who green-lighted this game, but it’s destroying my marriage. My wife wants me to help her clean the house, go shopping, acknowledge our children, and all that crap. But doing those things messes with my gameplay (the hours of meditation have to be uninterrupted). We are currently working out a compromise, but she wants 30 entire minutes a week where I would perform my husbandly duties. She suggested I have my brother come over to play for me in that time, but he’s terrible at the game. Additionally, any time I spend away from the game is pure torture, so I feel like I’ve been ripped off in this bargain like the Native Americans that sold the island of Manhattan. My best friend said something that sounded vaguely disapproving (I couldn’t hear her exact words over my Ohms) but I don’t ever want to stop playing Oremus.

Dear Confused:

I find it interesting you reference that piece of history when talking about the problems you’re having with your significant other. I would tender a guess that your situation is actually the exact opposite. Have you discussed this with your brother yet? He will continue to play a role in all this until things are settled. And as far as what your best friend said, perhaps you should examine closely how much weight you give to her opinions. Has she led you down the wrong path before? A lot of couples in your situation find success with therapy, whether they go alone or together. Remain assertive, but cautious. Good luck, and keep us posted!

BEAU: This seems rather ordinary at first, but a second reading proved how meticulously this letter was written. An obsessive gamer…praying! Awesome. I wish the brother would have been played out a bit more, but the mention of the best friend is perfect. And, God bless you!

5 points out of 5


It’s easy to complain when the judges miss your point, so, on the other end of the spectrum, I feel like I should give Beau huge props for not only getting the joke, but playing along perfectly.  Both of these went very well I thought.  (I was worried about the S&W one a bit – because there’s not much there, but it worked out. Yay!)

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