Given two prompts from the judges, provide 6-12 lines which alternate beginning with ‘fortunately’ and ‘unfortunately’:
I gave up smoking a few hours ago
Fortunately, I felt better instantly.
Unfortunately, I may have overestimated my newfound health.
Fortunately, there’s only a couple miles left in this marathon.
Unfortunately, I’m in last place.
Fortunately, I can still see the 99-year-old parapalegic up ahead of me.
Unfortunately, I think she’s picking up speed.
Fortunately, I can stop her if I throw this stick just right.
Unfortunately, it got stuck in her spokes and flipped her wheelchair.
Fortunately, finishing this marathon has made me a better person.
SPOOKY: This has to be my favorite finishing line. The suggestion that this is a nice little story about victory and self-betterment slays me. Damn, I have no idea how to score the top five or six entries.
4 points on a forced curve (6 points max)
Mary had a little lamb
Unfortunately, her brother, Peter, was jealous of her pet.
Fortunately, her parents were happy to get him another lamb.
Unfortunately, he cried and cried and cried for a wolf.
Fortunately, the wolf and lamb seemed to be getting along great out in the pasture.
Unfortunately, Peter’s pet went missing that same day.
Fortunately, there was no reason to suspect anything was amiss with Mary’s pet that looked a lot like a large shaggy lamb, dressed in lamb’s clothing.
Unfortunately, with all the searching, Mary fell behind on her lamb-taming routine.
Fortunately, she managed to steal away and practice for a bit.
Unfortunately, it involved putting her head in the lamb’s mouth.
Fortunately, her brother found his pet.
BEAU: This is clever, but I think it takes a bit too long to get where it’s going, and I had to reread it a few times. It also feels a little forced.
3 points on a forced curve (6 points max)
The first one felt like the last two or three lines before the final line were awful, but I didn’t have time to fix them this week. Fortunately, I knew I had a killer last line, so I was hoping for a 3 or a 4.
I liked writing the second one a lot, but I think it got overwrought (is that different from forced?) as I tried to get everything in there that I wanted. Another case where the idea is hilarious in my head, but the execution just wasn’t quite there.