WGOM CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 5 – Bantam Bulwyr

Write the worst possible opening sentence for a novel.

A painful moment – when the Spanish Armada that was my heart was unexpectedly blindsided by surprise waves of cruelty like harpoons to my soul – was your departure for picturesque Sweden.

BEAU: Inappropriate use of the dashes is the highlight here. But “Spanish Armada that was my heart” is a close second. I just know the rest of the paragraph is going to be filled with continued seafaring metaphors and I am running (or is that sailing?) away screaming. Good work. In fact, excellent work. I hate this sentence more and more every time I read it.

6 points on forced curve (6 points max)

SPOOKY: Oh, look at that insanely stupid mixed metaphor. Why mention that Sweden is picturesque here? Why would one need to be “unexpectedly” blindsided? This is brilliant. Er, the opposite of brilliant. And that’s perfect.

6 points on forced curve (6 points max)

———

This was fun.  I just crammed in as much stupidity as I could.  The judges run down the various facets pretty well in their comments, so I’ll just try and be pleased that the first challenge I won in this version of Survivor was a challenge that called for terrible writing.

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