WGOM CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 3 – Resignation Letter

Choose a real person and write their letter of resignation.

(to be read aloud in a smarmy voice, preferably with an accent of indeterminate origin)

It seems to me that there has been an obvious deficiency in our advertising campaign over the past few years. I’ve always felt like there should be a better way of getting people to buy my products than having a smug intellectual lecture the consumer about the deficiencies in vacuum cleaner technology. Inspired by this problem, I’ve developed a novel way of attracting potential patrons – our commercials will now consist entirely of 30 seconds of a Nickelback song, played at high volume. We will purchase ample commercial airtime and run these spots (occasionally continuously) until we have sold a certain (as yet undetermined) volume of vacuum cleaners. Unfortunately this will require me to resign as the company spokesperson, effective immediately. I think this a satisfying solution to something that has always annoyed me.

It just makes sense,
James Dyson, Inventor

BEAU: I want to like this one. Dyson is surely a prime candidate to make fun of. But either I just don’t get the big picture joke here, or I don’t like being told how to read something.

1 point on the forced curve (8 points max)

SPOOKY: I don’t know a whole lot about the knocks against Dyson so maybe I’m missing something, but…I don’t know. Cutting on Nickelback feels like shooting fish in a barrel.

1 point on the forced curve (8 points max)

———

Yikes, swing and a miss on this one.  I thought this was funnier than it actually was I guess.  Or maybe I didn’t really execute the concept very well.  My idea was to employ an irritating, over-bearing, unnecessarily condescending tone to try to nail the Dyson voice.  I feel like the judges got the irritating part, but I didn’t connect it well enough to make it seem like it was a parody of Dyson.  Either way, it was pretty much a disaster from a personal standpoint.  My team kept me in it though, we remained seven strong.

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