WGOM CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 4 – 16 Answers (Team Event)

Similar to the 20 questions challenge, except this time we get the answers and have to come up with the questions. My contributions are below:

Oh, this?  Nah, I got hit by a car.

Achilles! You’re limping! Have they discovered your weakness?

Winner! – 1 point

The best…is yet to come.

Bootsy tossed fitfully, sweat dampening his pillow. bS’s threat of another Shat Week echoed through his mind: “Since I last Shat publicly, Big Bill has released a Sinatra tribute album.” Six cringed, what would the first video be?

This one was a collaboration between 3 or 4 of us on the team, so I can’t take credit for this one, but I contributed some ideas, so I’ll put it up here.

It smells like a wet bison.

Have we decided on a winner for the six-word evaluation of Ramon Ortiz’s performance for AAA Buffalo?

Winner! – 1 point

Ramon Ortiz’s was FTLT’s idea, I put the words together.  We worked together like a well-oiled machine.

Yeah, kind of like Kevin Costner in The Big Chill.

Don’t you think Brendan Harris’ performance as a Twin would benefit from some heavy editing?

Winner! – 1 point

Again, Brendan Harris came from a teammate (rob), and I came up with the wording.  Looks like we found a winning formula.

Spicy, with a hint of lemon.

After studying the endangered Mekong Giant Catfish for twelve years, how would you describe it to those of us who have no experience with this riverine leviathan?

Winner! – 1 point

To switch things up, this was my idea, while Carter Hayes got the wording just right.  A true team effort all around.


The team won 7 of the 16 points and kept everyone safe for another week.  Hooray!

WGOM CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 3 – Resignation Letter

Choose a real person and write their letter of resignation.

(to be read aloud in a smarmy voice, preferably with an accent of indeterminate origin)

It seems to me that there has been an obvious deficiency in our advertising campaign over the past few years. I’ve always felt like there should be a better way of getting people to buy my products than having a smug intellectual lecture the consumer about the deficiencies in vacuum cleaner technology. Inspired by this problem, I’ve developed a novel way of attracting potential patrons – our commercials will now consist entirely of 30 seconds of a Nickelback song, played at high volume. We will purchase ample commercial airtime and run these spots (occasionally continuously) until we have sold a certain (as yet undetermined) volume of vacuum cleaners. Unfortunately this will require me to resign as the company spokesperson, effective immediately. I think this a satisfying solution to something that has always annoyed me.

It just makes sense,
James Dyson, Inventor

BEAU: I want to like this one. Dyson is surely a prime candidate to make fun of. But either I just don’t get the big picture joke here, or I don’t like being told how to read something.

1 point on the forced curve (8 points max)

SPOOKY: I don’t know a whole lot about the knocks against Dyson so maybe I’m missing something, but…I don’t know. Cutting on Nickelback feels like shooting fish in a barrel.

1 point on the forced curve (8 points max)


Yikes, swing and a miss on this one.  I thought this was funnier than it actually was I guess.  Or maybe I didn’t really execute the concept very well.  My idea was to employ an irritating, over-bearing, unnecessarily condescending tone to try to nail the Dyson voice.  I feel like the judges got the irritating part, but I didn’t connect it well enough to make it seem like it was a parody of Dyson.  Either way, it was pretty much a disaster from a personal standpoint.  My team kept me in it though, we remained seven strong.

WGOM CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 2 – 20 Questions (Team Event)

Given 20 prompts by the judges, as a team we came up with 20 responses – I was responsible for a few of them, and some of them even tickled the judges fancy:

Worst way to begin your speech as best man.

Treating it like a baseball team winning the pennant. (i.e., screaming and jumping for joy, berating the friends and family of the happy couple for ‘not believing in them’, strapping on swim goggles and spraying the wedding party with champagne, etc.)

What Lady Gaga would tell us if she popped by the WGOM.

What am I drinking? This.  The #1 beer in the world!!!

Winner! – 1 point

The headline we never saw the day after Dewey did not defeat Truman.


Winner! – 1 point

What Rhett’s final words to Scarlett would have been had Gone With The Wind been made in 2009.


Who Spooky will thank when he wins an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay.

Statfreak, for the idea behind his Pearl Harbor war epic, “Battle Over, War Over”


Well, 2 out of 5 is OK, I guess.  Our team didn’t do a whole lot better – only 5 wins out of 20 questions.  But, we barely squeaked by without having to eliminate anyone thanks to the Harry Truman answer being the judges overall favorite.  Moving on to the next challenge, hoping for a little better results.

WGOM CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 1 – Fiction 59

Same as last time.  One story in exactly 59 words.

Unwilling to put you through the ritual again, I turned the knife on the fish instead of your trembling arm. Diced, deprived of your blood, and flushed, it couldn’t be resurrected.

Two pain-wracked days later, the package arrived. Fear in your eyes confirmed the contents. I retrieved my knife. You bared your arm. At least this brought temporary relief.

SPOOKY: Alright, which of you bastards knows me? I fear fish. Aside from that, I also have a mild fear of cults. Still, this story is only partially realized. It makes me wish I could read more, which isn’t really the object here.

3 points out of 5

BEAU: I’ve read this three times and I’m still not exactly sure what’s going on there at the end, but I’m delighted all the same. The final sentence seems to kind of dangle, unfortunately, which keeps this from a perfect score.

4 points out of 5


I condensed this from my earlier Zombie Fish story, so I can totally understand the feeling that this is part of a larger narrative.  Pleased, but not overjoyed with the showing in this one.  We’re off!