CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 9 – Classified Ads

Write a classified ad for the jobs of funeral home mortician and porn shop employee without revealing what the job is.

WANTED: Someone dead-set on undertaking a stiff challenge. Applicants must enjoy working with people (actual ability to interact with people is unnecessary) and be able to loom ominously. Additional desired skills include a wacky disregard for social norms as related to consumption of sandwiches that have come in contact with human remains.

Benefits include access to confused professional wrestling groupies and supernatural knowledge concerning the final destination of attractive, easily-frightened teens.

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: “Be able to loom ominously” is my favorite bit so far (and “actual ability to interact with people is unnecessary” is nice too). I do like the bits about WWE’s Undertaker and the Final Destination series, as oddly as they would read to a prospective applicant; the one line that strikes me as too overt is the sandwiches and human remains thing.

WINNER – Immunity!!

WANTED: Product tester. Our inventory contains some of the most exciting materials in a titillating industry. However it needs a critical eye and human divining rod to select only the best. All those wasted hours of your teenage years now count as job experience, so call now.

Benefits package does not cover wrist injuries, chafing, or foreign object extraction.

BEN’s THOUGHTS: This one was just okay for me.

Did I mention that I don’t write dirty humor well?  Anyway, who cares?  I got immunity! With that I  was assured a spot in the final four.

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