CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 11 – Fakebook

Open and create a fictional profile on Facebook of a struggling 23-year-old performance artist from the West Coast. Profile must feature margarine, an iPad and Crayons.

Before you see this, know that the other two guys in the final three essentially withdrew, making it academic, but nonetheless, I spent some time on this one, so here is Spooky’s introductory post and the Facebook wall I created.

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS:  Well, Big Mak  did a mighty fine job with the thing, going far beyond what I expected by creating friends (if you can call them that) for the user, a progressive storyline on the main page and a pretty cute bit with margarine.  So, it seems this game is ending with a bit of a thud since there were only two finalists and one lobbied for the other to win, but it’s still worth it to see the winner’s webpage:

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Harbinger is a funny word

Is this post the first of a re-awakening of this here website?

It’s possible, but who knows?

Working through a bunch of stuff right now, bear with me.

Random 10
* Sweet Leaf – Black SabbathMaster of Reality
* Tonight is the Last Night of the World – Leyland KirbySadly, The Future Is No Longer What It Was
* Last Round – St. Lawrence String QuartetYiddishbbuk (O. Golijov)
* Radio Free Europe – R.E.M.Murmur
* Fool in the Rain – Led ZeppelinIn Through The Out Door
* Snowblind – System of a DownOsbourne Family Album
* Goodbye – LunaLunapark
* Rosetta Stoned – Tool10,000 Days
* 3005 – Scars on Broadway(self-titled)
* Small – PortisheadThird

CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 10 – Onion Article

Write an Onion article which refers to a significant disaster.

Interview with the Killer – Iceberg claims ‘Titanic started it’

“It was spring, so I was on my annual migration south to melt with this cute piece of ice I met in Greenland last winter, and suddenly, I felt something brush up against me.”

Initially fearing a pickpocket, Ignatius C. Berg was perturbed. “The north Atlantic has become a little bit rougher the past couple of years. You used to be able to float near anywhere up here without having to watch your back. I guess I shouldn’t have been out that late at night, but old habits die hard, you know.”

In this case it wasn’t a pickpocket, but rather the ill-fated ocean liner, that sank and resulted in the deaths of many of its passengers and crew.
“I should have figured, since icebergs don’t carry wallets.”

“I’m just worried that this will color people’s perceptions of icebergs in general. I’m not out seeking trouble, but this happened, and I can’t undo it.”

The apologies sound sincere, but it’s hard to look at Ignatius and not see a cold, frozen heart. When questioned about his icy demeanor, his voice went frosty.

“Always remember, Icebergs are more than what you see on the surface.”

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: Whoa, dig those crazy puns! “I should have figured, since icebergs don’t carry wallets” was right up there with my favorite lines this week. It’s cute enough, but the first two still seem to have more in common with that Onion spirit – making fun of everyone in sight.

Yep, except for the headline, it was not very Onion-y.   And there were some other dynamite entries, particularly by the one dude who wasn’t in our alliance.  So since he had immunity it came down to a coin flip betwixt myself and another ally.  The flip went in my favor, so it was on to the final challenge.

CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 9 – Classified Ads

Write a classified ad for the jobs of funeral home mortician and porn shop employee without revealing what the job is.

WANTED: Someone dead-set on undertaking a stiff challenge. Applicants must enjoy working with people (actual ability to interact with people is unnecessary) and be able to loom ominously. Additional desired skills include a wacky disregard for social norms as related to consumption of sandwiches that have come in contact with human remains.

Benefits include access to confused professional wrestling groupies and supernatural knowledge concerning the final destination of attractive, easily-frightened teens.

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: “Be able to loom ominously” is my favorite bit so far (and “actual ability to interact with people is unnecessary” is nice too). I do like the bits about WWE’s Undertaker and the Final Destination series, as oddly as they would read to a prospective applicant; the one line that strikes me as too overt is the sandwiches and human remains thing.

WINNER – Immunity!!

WANTED: Product tester. Our inventory contains some of the most exciting materials in a titillating industry. However it needs a critical eye and human divining rod to select only the best. All those wasted hours of your teenage years now count as job experience, so call now.

Benefits package does not cover wrist injuries, chafing, or foreign object extraction.

BEN’s THOUGHTS: This one was just okay for me.

Did I mention that I don’t write dirty humor well?  Anyway, who cares?  I got immunity! With that I  was assured a spot in the final four.

Easy Listening

New Music:

Black Keys – Chulahoma – Slowly, I inch toward completing my collection of the Black Keys catalog.  As always with this band, this album is a good one.  Consisting of covers of Junior Kimbraugh songs, this one seems a little bit more laid back than the other Keys albums I’ve heard.  It’s easy to just put this on repeat and let it play.  I’d still put ‘Attack and Release’ and ‘Rubber Factory’ ahead of this one on my all-time favorite Black Keys albums list, but it is a solid disc.

Random 10

  • Tomorrow’s Dream – Black SabbathBlack Sabbath, Vol. 4
  • Surf Solar – Fuck Buttons Tarot Sport
  • Hardcore UFOs – Guided By Voices Bee Thousand
  • Sacrifice Theory – AFIThe Art of Drowning
  • Soul Survivor – Rolling StonesExile on Main Street
  • In C (Todd Reynolds Remix) – Grand Valley State University New Music EnsembleIn C Remixed
  • Redefine – IncubusS.C.I.E.N.C.E.
  • Con Safo – Mars VoltaFrances the Mute
  • Microphone Fiend – Rage Against the MachineRenegades
  • Dracula From Houston – Butthole SurfersWeird Revolution

CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 8 – Inappropriate Elementary School Play

Write a play that naive adults and elementary school children wouldn’t think twice about, but the rest of us would have to stifle some smirks/giggles/uncomfortable laughter.

(Jack walks into the kitchen)
Mother: You’re back from town already? Did you sell the goose?
Jack: I did, and I got some magic mushrooms that are going to solve all our problems!
Mother: Again with the magic plants, Jack? We finally cleared the giant beanstalk out of the garden, and now we’re going to do this over again?
Jack: These will help the garden, mother. The man said these would expand our horizons, our garden is going to extend all the way over the hills!
Mother: Oh, Jack. Well, plant them and see what happens, I guess.
(Jill approaches Jack in the garden, where he sits stroking the giant mushroom)
Jill: Hi Jack!
Jack: (surprised, he pulls his hand away from the fungi) Oh, hi Jill. I thought I was alone.
Jill: Your mushroom looks different from the last time I was over. Is it getting bigger?
Jack: I’ve been noticing some changes in the body of the mushroom. It’s already started producing spores. They are those things that look like curly hairs all over the base. I picked a whole bunch this morning (gestures to pile of something that could very well be spores from a giant magical mushroom). It’s coming along nicely. Do you want to touch it?
Jill: Should I?
Jack: Yeah, it’s fun. Whenever I’m by myself I come out here and just run my hands over it. It seems to help it grow.
(Jill tentatively touches the stalk of the mushroom)
Jill: Ewww, it got my hands all sticky. What’s this stuff coming out of it? That’s gross.
Jack: That never happens!
Jill: (spits) Blech! And it tastes disgusting.
Jack: Don’t spit it out! That’s probably the magical part, you should swallow it, then you’ll be magical, too.
Jill: (swallows)
Jack: That wasn’t so bad, was it? I think we have to eat part of it for it to be magical, because it’s not tall like the beanstalk to reach a castle in the clouds.
Jill: I think it’s plenty big.
Jack: (doubtfully) I guess. Do you feel any different?
Jill: I don’t feel any more magical or anything, can I have a drink of your water? This stuff really tastes gross.
Jack: (stealthily drops one of the spores into his glass before handing it to her)
Jill: (drinks)
Jack: Better?
Jill: Actually, maybe you were right. I do feel more magical. Is that a door in the mushroom?
Jack: That’s the way into the magical kingdom. I’ll follow you.
Jill: (opens the door) This door is too small, I can’t stand up in there.
Jack: I think it will work better if you get on your hands and knees. Don’t worry I’m right behind you.
Jill: (crawls into the mushroom, with Jack following)
Jack: It’s really dark in here.
Jill: Well, we can sit here groping around in the dark, or we can crawl toward the light, come on!
(Jack and Jill enter the throne room, where a man sleeps on his throne)
Jack: (whispering) I thought it was just you and me here.
Jill: (whispering) That looks like my dad!
Jack: (whispering) Oh no.
Jill: (not whispering) Dad! wake up!
Jill’s Dad: (wakes up) Jill? Why are you here? You shouldn’t be here, if the mushroom people find you, they’ll trap you here like they trapped me. It’s terrible, every time I try to escape they shoot this sticky stuff at me, and I can’t get away.
(Mushroom People burst into the throne room)
Mushroom People: (shooting silly string as they pursue) We are coming! We are coming!
Jill’s Dad: These stairs go up to the top. We should be able to jump to safety.
(Halfway up the staircase, Jill’s Dad becomes stuck in the silly string)
(Jill begins tearing at the sticky mess that has ensnared her father)
Jill’s Dad: Leave me, Jill.
Jack: We’ll have to jump!
Mushroom People: (no longer shooting silly string) We’re Sorry Jesus! We’re Sorry Jesus!
(Outside the mushroom, Jack and Jill fall to the ground, Jill rips her dress)
Jill: (confused) Why is my dress ripped? What is this sticky stuff all over my hands? What happened? Why can’t I remember anything? The last thing I remember was drinking that water…
Jack: That’s just the way these things work, I guess. Listen, I’ve got to go sell a pig in town, but you know how to get back to your house from here, right?

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: Aw, Jack, you player. Swallow, don’t spit! There’s a lot of funny stuff here.

OK, dirty humor just isn’t my thing, writing-wise.  I just don’t write it as well as I do other things.  For that reason, this was my least favorite challenge of the entire competition.  I thought about trying to do an earnest discussion of politics or something, which probably could have worked.  Meh.  Our alliance was in control at this point with plenty of targets.  No chance I got eliminated this week.

A Symphony of Decay

The Triumphant Return of the New Music Section:

Basel Sinfonietta – Decasia (M. Gordon) – Filmmaker Bill Morrison took old, decayed, nearly destroyed film, and pieced it together to make a film – Decasia.  This Michael Gordon composition is the soundtrack to that film.  Like Gordon’s cello piece ‘Industry‘ this piece seems dedicated to the destruction of the group performing it.  Heavy glissando and purposefully out of tune instruments combine to create an eerie, disturbing feel that, at times, resolves into the sound of a discordant locomotive bearing down on the listener.  It’s not nice music, but it’s certainly powerful.

Random 10

  • Bloody Cape – Deftones(self-titled)
  • Homework – Dust Brothers Fight Club Soundtrack
  • Undecided – Silverchair Frogstomp
  • Aqua Dementia – MastodonLeviathan
  • Magic Doors – PortisheadThird
  • Communication Breakdown – Led ZeppelinLed Zeppelin I
  • Out at Sea – Heartless BastardsThe Mountain
  • Didn’t Leave Nobody but the Baby – Emmylou Harris, Alison Krauss, and Gillian WelchO Brother, Where Art Thou? Soundtrack
  • So Far From Your Weapon – Dead WeatherHorehound
  • No One’s There – KornUntouchables