CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 3 – 20 Questions (Team Event)

The judges gave us 20 lines for which we, as a team, had to provide (hopefully) witty responses.  I contributed a few answers and even won a few.

Describe the most horrible way to die.
You are racing around third base when the hitman jumps the fence, sprints onto the field, douses you in gasoline and lights you on fire. Phil Cuzzi does not call fan interference. Derek Jeter tags out your flaming corpse, and the Yankees win another World Series.

Winner.  1 point

The name of a superhero whose power is to make people crap themselves.
Dr. Poohappens
Funniest name for a pet basset hound.
Fortunato Montressor, III

Winner.  1 point

The slogan for a (Charles) Manson family reunion.
Mansons in the park: Helter Skelter at the picnic shelter

Winner. 1 point

What John Hurt should’ve said when the Alien exploded out of his stomach.
“You know, there are easier ways out of there.”

Winner. 1 point

What was the first complete sentence ever uttered in human history?
“Look, asshole, if I had taken the time to shout a warning using complete sentences, you’d have been eaten by that fucking lion.”

Winner. 1 point

5 of my 6 submitted answers won, and were key to the 8-7 victory for our team.  I wanted Dr. Shithappens (which seems funnier because it’s an actual saying) but we went the other way.  No complaints, all three of us continue on.

Cliffhanger

Will I ever post anything here again? Tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion!

  • The Collector – Nine Inch NailsWith Teeth
  • The Great Destroyer – Nine Inch NailsYear Zero
  • The Whistling Song – Meat PuppetsII
  • The More That I Do – The FieldYesterday and Today
  • Hypodermic – The OffspringIgnition
  • Combustion – MeshuggahObZen
  • No Trust – Black KeysThickfreakness
  • Turd on the Run – Rolling StonesExile on Main Street
  • Heartbreaker – Led ZeppelinLed Zeppelin II
  • Oh the Guilt – NirvanaWith the Lights Out

CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 2 – Create-a-Caption

Pretty self-explanatory.


Yes, it was a pain to feed and house him all the time, but Zippos just seem so impersonal. I want to have a more meaningful relationship with my lighter.

SPOOKY’s THOGHTS: Har har.

2 points out of 3


I was all excited for the Vikings playoff run this year, and I went a little overboard. “Shave my hair into a ‘4’ to represent Brett Favre, for the playoffs,” I said. Apparently the guy heard “represent Brett Favre IN the playoffs,” and took a little artistic license.

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: Oh, boy. How true. That’s two weeks of Favre in a row…normally only friend/enemy of the hosts Todd Karner gets that kind of notice.

2 points out of 3


(with apologies to William Carlos Williams)
according to an unknown photographer
when our host vomited
it was summer

a friend was laughing
at his own joke
the whole vibe

of the party was
joyful dancing
within

the bright room
spinning
around itself

staggering in the hold
of beer
number twelve

unsignificantly
in the noise
there was

a wet belch quite unnoticed
this was
our host drowning in terrible beer

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: I really like this poem a lot. However, it wouldn’t be a very good “caption.” What’s with all the poem/songwriters out there? Your time will come, I promise.

1 point out of 3


Yes, I may look like an idiot on TV, but Kelly bet me $20 I wouldn’t dare get the first question wrong on purpose. Easiest money I ever made.

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: I’ve already read the ones on Ben’s side…if nothing else, this is the least stupid anyone has made her look. That’ll be nice for her if she ever waddles over and sees this.

2 points out of 3

Released after witnesses were unable to pick him out of a lineup.

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: Perfection.

3 points out of 3

—————–

10 points out of 15 wasn’t terribly good, but since the team we were up against had some non-submissions so we all survived another week.  I still like that poem.

Interrogation

Had a crap week.  See if it gets reflected here.

  • Good Times, Bad Times – Led ZeppelinLed Zeppelin I
  • Eight Day Hell – … Trail of Dead – So Divided
  • Gouge Away – Pixies Doolittle
  • Home – Foo Fighters Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace
  • Findaway – Silverchair – Frogstomp
  • Burnout – Green Day Dookie
  • First Movement – Kronos QuartetThe Dreams and Prayers of Isaac the Blind
  • Birthmark – DeftonesAdrenaline
  • Electric Head: The Agony – White ZombieAstrocreep 2000
  • What is Fight Club? – Dust BrothersFight Club Soundtrack

Although I knew sometime before this there must have been good times, bad times were all I could remember right now.  My stay in this room was an eight day hell so far, and I didn’t expect it to get much better.  Every time I tried to move toward the door, the ropes would gouge away at my skin.  I had downgraded my goal from getting home to trying to find a way out of this place.   Straining against the ropes, I could feel my skin start to burn. Outside, he approached the door.  Upon entering, his first movement was to hastily cover his face and the angry birthmark on his cheek.  With that, his jacket lifted to reveal the cattle prod in its holster on his hip, an angry buzz came from its electric head: the agony suggested by that instrument made it hard to look away from it.   He stood behind me, and asked me the same unanswerable question he had asked every time he came here.  “What is fight club?

Wild Six or Seven Pack – Vol. 9

Record Home Away Goal Diff. EV-Time EVGF EVGA EVGF/60 EVGA/60
Gm. 1-7 1-6-0 1-0-0 0-6-0 –10 310:29 7 21 1.35 4.04
Gm. 8-14 4-3-0 3-1-0 1-2-0 –1 349:12 10 11 1.72 1.89
Gm. 15-20 2-2-2 1-1-0 1-1-2 0 288:02 13 7 2.71 1.46
Gm. 21-26 4-1-1 3-1-1 1-0-0 2 297:00 12 12 2.42 2.42
Gm. 27-33 5-2-0 2-0-0 3-2-0 2 352:29 14 10 2.38 1.70
Gm. 34-40 4-3-0 2-1-0 2-2-0 0 339:03 14 16 2.55 2.91
Gm. 41-47 4-3-0 4-2-0 0-1-0 1 347:25 20 16 3.45 2.76
Gm. 48-54 3-3-1 2-0-1 1-3-0 2 350:10 15 15 2.57 2.57
Gm. 55-61 3-4-0 3-2-0 0-2-0 0 332:23 11 13 1.99 2.35
TOTAL 30-27-4 21-8-2 9-19-2 –4 2966:13 116 121 2.35 2.45

This is a .500 team in every way.  Just go down the goal differential column.  I remember the Twins being .500 all season, then ripping off a stellar September to eke into the playoffs.  Maybe Cam Barker will be the Wild’s Orlando Cabrera.

PP Time PPGF SHGA PPGF/60 SHGA/60
Games 1-7 61:36 8 1 7.79 0.97
Games 8-14 39:09 5 2 7.66 3.07
Games 15-20 43:18 3 2 4.16 2.77
Games 21-26 39:44 5 0 7.55 0.00
Games 27-33 35:41 3 0 5.04 0.00
Games 34-40 44:43 4 1 5.37 1.34
Games 41-47 39:29 3 1 4.56 1.52
Games 48-54 43:45 5 1 6.86 1.37
Games 55-61 42:54 9 0 12.59 0.00
TOTAL 390:19 45 8 6.92 1.23
SH Time SHGF PPGA SHGF/60 PPGA/60
Games 1-7 51:03 0 3 0.00 3.53
Games 8-14 38:34 0 3 0.00 4.67
Games 15-20 38:40 1 8 1.55 12.41
Games 21-26 34:44 0 3 0.00 5.18
Games 27-33 39:41 0 5 0.00 7.56
Games 34-40 36:14 1 2 1.56 3.31
Games 41-47 38:04 1 6 1.58 9.46
Games 48-54 31:07 0 2 0.00 3.86
Games 55-61 44:25 0 7 0.00 9.46
TOTAL 352:32 3 39 0.51 6.64

CW Survivor Archives – Challenge 1 – Fiction 59

The challenge was to write a story in exactly 59 words.

My entry:

The island appeared. He despaired. This identical spit of sand invariably materialized, regardless of bearing. On the beach, the rock lay where it always did. Every time he landed, there was one less mark on the stone, counting down his visits. Now there were no scratches. When he left this time, one way or another he would never return.

SPOOKY’s THOUGHTS: For a second here I thought this was going to be LOST-related, but it was instead an intriguing story on its own.

4 points out of 5

And we were off, I was nervous about this just because I had never had any of my writing critiqued by anyone outside of schoolteachers. Well, it seemed as though he liked it, so in that way it was a successful challenge. Our team of four was less successful, we had to vote someone out. The low scorer was kicked to the curb and we soldiered on with three.

Random Ten

Took the week off from the site.  But the random 10 must go on…

Random 10

  • Dazed and Confused – Led ZeppelinHow the West Was Won
  • Terrible Lie – Nine Inch Nails – Pretty Hate Machine
  • Red House – Jimi Hendrix Experience – Are You Experienced?
  • Goodbye Blue Sky – Pink FloydThe Wall
  • Down By the River – Neil Young & Crazy Horse Everyone Knows This is Nowhere
  • The Twistinside – EverclearSparkle and Fade
  • Blind – Korn(self-titled)
  • My Iron Lung – Radiohead – The Best Of
  • Hunting & Gathering (Cydonia) – Sunn 0)))Monoliths and Dimensions
  • Coconut – NilssonNilsson Schmilsson

A heavy sampling of classic rock this week.  What’s your 10?

I Am Astonished and Somewhat Terrified of the Results of Tonight’s Experiment

A quote form Sir Arthur Sullivan (of Gilbert & Sullivan) upon introduction to Thomas Edison’s recording machine:

. . . For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at the results of this evening’s experiment — astonished at the wonderful power you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and bad music may be put on record forever.

Was he referring to this week’s edition of the random 10?  Read on…

Random 10:

  • The Perfect Drug – Nine Inch NailsLost Highway Soundtrack
  • One Love – ProdigyMusic for the Jilted Generation
  • Insatiable (Two) – … Trail of DeadThe Century of Self
  • Growing Into You – Soul AsylumGrave Dancers Union
  • Happiness in Slavery – Nine Inch NailsBroken
  • Paper Tiger – SpoonKill the Moonlight
  • Bullet in the Head – Rage Against the Machine(self-titled)
  • Hard Row – Black KeysThickfreakness
  • Celebration Day – Led ZeppelinLed Zeppelin III
  • Endlessly Making an End of Things – Yellow SwansAt All Ends

That song could only fit in as the last song on a list.

The Rest is Noise by Alex Ross

I have been exploring quite a bit of “new music” recently, and in my various internet searches I came across this book.  Alex Ross is the music critic at the New Yorker, and he writes the musical history of the twentieth century very well.  This is the second non-fiction book I’ve read this year, and where I read The Machine in two nights, this book took two weeks of concentrated effort to finish.  That fact  is entirely due to the amount and depth of information imparted by Ross.  It’s not a slog through page after page of facts, but you will learn something in every section.

The Rest is Noise doesn’t approach musical history as a separate entity, instead the entire book is set in the historical events of the 20th century, and how wars, prosperity, and politics influenced the composers.  Nor does the book include each and every detail of each and every musical movement.  Chapters start broadly, then focus on one particular composer demonstrating one particular musical philosophy (often through description and analysis of one particular piece).  From there multiple offshoots present themselves, and Ross follows some, ignores others, and often returns to a point of divergence many pages later to explore the other path.

The best parts of this book are the descriptions of the specific pieces.  I’ve listened to some classical music in my time, but I would by no means consider myself an expert (I took one music theory class in high school, nothing in college), so it’s enlightening to hear what a studied, eloquent music critic hears in the pieces.  I was introduced to a lot of pieces, composers, and movements reading this, and I liked the “recommended listening” portion of the appendix, so I thought I would include a couple of pieces that I discovered and enjoyed because of this book.

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